20 weeks

how far along? 20 weeks - this kid is half baked!

how big is baby? the size of a banana

weight gain/loss? +7 pounds

stretch marks? none

maternity clothes? all maternity pants; no shirts yet, but I definitely can't fit into some of my non-maternity tops anymore

sleep? I'm sleeping well, but waking up some mornings with a numb hip from sleeping on my side

food cravings? milk...with a brownie on the side

symptoms? some round ligament pain and stretching; also I seem to have come down with a winter cold, so I've been coughing and sniffling plenty these days (unrelated to pregnancy, but still a pain in the ass)

signs of labor? none

sex of baby? girl

movement? still waiting to feel those first flutters

belly button? still in 

what I'm worrying about: still coping with my feelings of disappointment and sadness over finding out the gender. Everyday gets a little bit better emotionally and I even bought a few cute girl things (jammies from Hanna Andersson) to help me get excited about our little girl.

what I'm loving: John. He has been amazing this past week and so incredibly supportive of my emotional freakouts and meltdowns. We've had several really great talks and I feel so proud of our marriage and optimistic for the future.

best moment this week? buying some girl clothes; even though I still think that the majority of boy clothes are so much cuter than girl stuff, I did find a few pieces that I like (and don't make me want to vomit)

20 weeks

It's a...

...very healthy and wiggly baby GIRL.

We had our anatomy scan on Tuesday and, I'll admit, it was a bit of a shock when we got a clear shot between the legs on the ultrasound. I was so certain it was a boy thanks to a combination of old wives tales (low heart rate, no morning sickness, carrying low, no acne, salty cravings, etc.), my OB's prediction, and a general intuition (lots of boy dreams and just a gut sense that I was having a boy). 

I just feel so disappointed and sad, and even cried on the car ride home from the doctor's office. I know that as soon as this baby is in my arms I will love her and forget all about this, but right now I feel like such an incredibly shitty, shallow person for feeling this way. In my mind, I was totally preparing to have a boy and now I feel like the rug has been pulled out from under me. I know it's my own fault for putting so much weight on favoring one gender over the other, but I really truly thought this was going to be a boy. I almost feel worse about my reaction to everything, rather than the fact that she is a girl. I think about all the women struggling with infertility and loss who would kill to be having a healthy baby of ANY gender, and it almost makes me sick to my stomach for feeling the way I do. 

I can't help but feel a little less excited about this baby now. I hate 90% of all the girls clothes out there and know that I will end up getting so much pink, frilly shit as gifts that I will just want to toss in the trash. I dread telling people that it's a girl for fear that they'll immediately stereotype her as a little princess/sweetheart/diva. I also think back to my childhood and how much drama and angst I caused my parents, especially my poor mom, and I just don't know if I'm ready to deal with the roller coaster of girl hormones. To me, boys just seem like they would be much easier to parent, even though I know that's now always true.

I am glad that I still have the second half of pregnancy to process my feelings about this. I know that time will help, but right now it's still just a total shock and surprise.

19 weeks

how far along? 19 weeks

how big is baby? the size of a mango

weight gain/loss? +5 pounds

stretch marks? none

maternity clothes? maternity pants are amazing

sleep? I have been sleeping so well; it's been really cold outside (below zero temps), so burrowing under the covers at night has been very comforting and warm

food cravings? fruit smoothies

symptoms? some round ligament pains and stretching

signs of labor? none

sex of baby? we find out on Tuesday!

movement? nothing yet...still [not very patiently] waiting...

belly button? still in 

what I'm worrying about: the size of my bump; I have a bad habit of blog-stalking and comparing myself to other people at similar weekly milestones. I feel like I am not showing as much as I should be for 19 weeks (and even feel smaller than I did last week), but hopefully I can get some reassurance from my OB at next week's appointment.

what I'm loving: feeling blessed and loved

best moment this week? buying a car seat! I had been price-stalking the Britax B-Safe for over a month and when the price finally dropped, I pulled the trigger! It arrived yesterday and is currently sitting in the room that will become our nursery.

19 weeks

18 weeks

how far along? 18 weeks

how big is baby? the size of a sweet potato

weight gain/loss? +5 pounds

stretch marks? none

maternity clothes? still loving my maternity pants and although I'm not wearing any maternity tops yet, some of my camisoles and tees are becoming more snug and short

sleep? just fine, although the days of sleeping on my stomach are over

food cravings? Smashburger

symptoms? a few pesky headaches and some major HUNGER attacks!

signs of labor? none

sex of baby? we find out on February 5!

movement? nothing yet...

belly button? still in 

what I'm worrying about: I made the mistake of watching The Business of Being Born on Netflix and am now completely freaked out about labor and delivery.

what I'm loving: feeling good about my eating habits - I've been having very well-balanced lunches with lean proteins and lots of fresh greens and veggies lately

best moment this week? having MLK Day off - my mom and I went to Buy Buy Baby, had lunch and did some shopping (she is making me a faux Bebe au Lait nursing cover, so I picked out fabric for that, as well as some cute flannel prints for burp cloths).

18 weeks

17 weeks

how far along? 17 weeks

how big is baby? the size of an onion

weight gain/loss? still hovering around +4-5 pounds

stretch marks? none

maternity clothes? all maternity pants, but still in my regular shirts; I have a few maternity tops that are just waiting to be used - maybe around 20 weeks I'll have enough of a bump to actually fill them out?!?

sleep? great, although the wild pregnancy dreams continue...

food cravings? ramen noodles, which I enjoyed for lunch today ::hangs head in shame::

symptoms? just a more firm, well defined bump

signs of labor? none

sex of baby? we find out on February 5!

movement? unfortunately, due to my anterior placenta, I'm thinking I won't feel anything until after 20 weeks

belly button? still in 

what I'm worrying about: possible gender disappointment; I definitely would like a boy and I worry about feeling let down if this baby turns out to be a girl. It doesn't help that many people, including my doctor, are predicting that I'm having a boy.

what I'm loving: watching my bump grow

best moment this week? starting an Amazon registry (private for now) - it's been helpful to gather all my favorite baby gear products in one place

17 weeks

16 weeks

how far along? 16 weeks

how big is baby? the size of an avocado

weight gain/loss? I was +4 on the doctor's scale at my appointment on Wednesday, but that was fully clothed (I weigh myself at home naked), so there could be a discrepancy. Either way, I feel like I'm on track with weight gain so far.

stretch marks? none

maternity clothes? loving my new maternity pants

sleep? just fine - no complaints here

food cravings? an egg salad sandwich

symptoms? nothing, except watching my little bump s l o w l y grow

signs of labor? none

sex of baby? we find out on February 5!

movement? none...I can't wait to feel something (hopefully in the next month)

belly button? still in 

what I'm worrying about: how to tell a certain friend who I don't see much anymore; I thought not saying anything and waiting until she sees it on Facebook (we'll probably reveal after our anatomy scan next month), but it seems like a shitty way to find out.

what I'm loving: finally being OUT at work and not having to hide my bump under sweaters!

best moment this week? hearing the heartbeat at my doctor's appointment on Wednesday - nice and strong at 140 bpm. My doctor is predicting a boy, which is funny since John and I have both had dreams about boy babies recently. A few other people have told me that it's a boy since I haven't had any sickness. We'll see in about 3 weeks...

I finally got the motivation to take a bump pic this morning!

16 weeks

15 weeks

how far along? 15 weeks

how big is baby? the size of an orange

weight gain/loss? +4ish

stretch marks? none

maternity clothes? stretchy pants rock!

sleep? no complaints here; I'm thankful to still be sleeping well

food cravings? berry smoothies

symptoms? still feeling great and sporting a small bump

signs of labor? none

sex of baby? we find out on February 5!

movement? none

belly button? still in 

what I'm worrying about: I finally told my boss that I'm pregnant yesterday morning and he was such a douche about it.

First he laughed in kind of a bitter, weird way (I think he was slightly shocked by the news). Then he said that people had been making comments about how I wasn't drinking at our holiday party a few weeks ago. He also said in an accusatory tone, "Isn't it rather early to be sharing this news?" (not really, dumbass - I'm almost 4 months pregnant and starting to show!). Finally he asked, "So does that mean you're not coming back after the baby is born?" I told him I haven't decided yet (even though John and I are 90% sure I will end up staying at home) and there was just an awkward silence before we moved on to other topics. He eventually did say congratulations at the end of the meeting, but it didn't feel at all sincere. 

I sat at my desk the rest of the day feeling sick to my stomach and trying not to cry. I just thought there would be a more positive reaction - instead I felt like I'm being judged and accused of betraying my job or something. Ugh...what a horrible experience. I'm trying to be professional and let it go, but I keep thinking about his reaction and my blood starts to boil.

what I'm loving: good health and having a supportive, loving husband

best moment this week? New Year's Eve was tame but fun. We had some great food (BBQ ribs, twice-baked potatoes, salad, and cheesecake), watched the BBC version of "Sherlock," and toasted 2013 with sparkling apple juice. It's such a great feeling to say that we're having a baby THIS YEAR!