Midpoint musings

So, I'm now halfway through this pregnancy and have been thinking a lot about previous misconceptions and what I assumed things would be like right now.

1. I thought I would be huge. In my head, 20 weeks = a nice round bump [from breasts to hips] that is noticeable to strangers. Although I definitely have a bump, I am definitely not at the point where strangers congratulate me and touch my stomach. Also, I'm still carrying very low - entirely below my navel.

2. I thought I would feel kicks. Nope, nothing yet. Even though our kiddo is a squirmy worm on ultrasounds, I haven't felt a speck of movement so far.Thanks a lot, anterior placenta.

3. I thought I would feel a strong bond with my baby. It pains me to say this, but I don't feel much emotion toward this baby. I assumed that a pregnant woman would spend hours talking to her baby, touching her belly and gushing over how much she loves her unborn child, but this isn't me at all. I am incredibly thankful to be pregnant, especially after a previous loss, but I don't know if I can actually say that I love my baby quite yet. I hope that will change once I feel movement and definitely by the time she is born.

4. I thought I would be gung-ho about cloth diapering. Cloth diapering is all the rage on parenting message boards and I have a few friends who are doing it in real life and rave about how great it is, so I assumed that I should jump on the cloth diaper bandwagon as well. However, the more research I do (prefolds, fitteds, all-in-ones, snappis, diaper sprayers, wet bags - the works!) the more my head starts to spin. I'm just not sure that I can get jazzed about scraping poop and doing extra laundry, all while dealing with a newborn. I'm thinking that disposables might be the way to go for our family.

5. I thought I would hate being pregnant. I used to assume that pregnancy meant vomiting, constipation, mood swings, exhaustion, cramping, heartburn, bloating, and all the other miserable side-effects that you hear about in movies, television and books. However, I am pleasantly surprised at how smooth and relatively painless this experience has been so far. Most days I don't even feel pregnant. My symptoms have been mild, and I escaped the horror of morning sickness, thank goodness. I might change my tune once I'm 40 weeks along, but for now, I don't mind it one bit.

Pregnancy may not be exactly what I expected it to be, and that's okay.